Our Actions Speak for Us!

~ Sue Brown ~ Leave a comment
The goal of Lenten discipline is to be more fully conformed to the likeness of the Son of God, Jesus, who loved us and gave himself for us.
 I wonder if one thing we all might strive to give up this Lent is… CONTEMPT.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines “contempt” as “the feeling that a person (or a thing) is worthless or beneath consideration.” It is ultimately derived from the Latin word contemptus which means “to scorn or despise.”  I still get a kick out of my old-school Latin and how often our Modern Society defers to it.
As written in The New York Times, contempt is not the same thing as strongly disagreeing with someone. Not only are strong disagreements inevitable, but “Disagreement helps us innovate, improve, and find the truth.” It also leads to common understanding and new ideas.
The problem isn’t that we disagree; it’s how we disagree.  Increasingly, disagreements today are characterized by a “noxious brew of anger and disgust,” which is directed not only at bad ideas, but also at the people who espouse them. Mmmm…
This goes beyond incivility and rudeness. It even goes beyond intolerance. It’s the conviction that while your side “is driven by benevolence,” the other side “is evil and motivated by hatred.”  Who does this help?  No one!
You can probably think of several examples of contempt recently directed at Christians. So can I. However, to paraphrase the First Letter of John, if we say that we are free of contempt, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. Can we honestly say that we never think of our opponents, in any area, as: not quite as informed, educated, or forward thinking as we are?  Do we always strive to be “greater than thou” with people while we criticize their ideas?
The fact that we  ourselves are often unjustly maligned… isn’t a reason to reciprocate in kind.
As part of our observance of Lent, let’s be mindful of those “occasions of sin,” those settings and circumstances that expose us to temptation.  In the case of contempt for our opponents, things like social media, cable news, and political websites can be such occasions.
These are the mechanisms and media for modern propaganda and word peddlers.  They are  folks who “profit from the culture of contempt.” They pump up the outrage in our country and you can almost hear the ego rise with every page view and “like.”
Of course, this isn’t easy when so much is at stake in our culture. But being conformed to Jesus’ likeness isn’t supposed to be easy. It involved dying. We should be grateful that, in this instance, the “death” being demanded of us is…  to not treat our enemies as if they are beneath our consideration.
 After all, Jesus not only suffered his enemies, he suffered for them — and that includes us, who in our sin … were also his enemies as well.

HAPPY IS… AS HAPPY DOES!

~ Sue Brown ~ Leave a comment

As a writer of a POSITIVE LIFE BLOG… SPIRIT UNBROKEN, I am often asked how others, my readers, can become “happier” in their own lives. In the next few weeks, I will share things that I have said “yes” to and that have helped me to become happier in my own life.  Just by picking a few of these ideas, you too will be on the track to being more content and happier overall. I do not have all the answers, but as I age and look back on my own Wins vs. Losses things become clearer and worth passing along.
Being Imperfect      Trying to be “perfect” is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach and ultimately lowers your self-esteem.  You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life … even though they might be going very well indeed. “Perfectionism”  of yourself eats at you and your happiness. Embrace your own imperfectness.  I need to constantly work on this.  Who doesn’t want to be:  “The Best: Boss, Employee, Team Mate, Partner, Parent, Child,”  exhausting, right?

Often, we actually believe what we see about relationships and families by watching “perfect families” and “how love should be” on television and in the movies.  It looks so good and wonderful and you want it for yourself. Best selling authors capitalize on this formula over and over again.  However, in real life it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are fiction. It is very useful to remind yourself: No one has it all in spite of outer appearance! I know this for a fact.

Aiming for “perfection” usually winds up in a project or something else progressing very slowly or never being finished at all. Perhaps, go for good instead.  Warning: Don’t use good as an excuse to slack off.  Simply realize that there is something called “good” and even “very good” and that’s not a bad thing  at all.
Being Yourself   Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others, or censoring yourself doesn’t feel good at all. It makes LIFE feel so small and limited.  Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values, and you as a person or at least people who are not antagonistic and negative. Try spending less time with people who normally criticize you.

Supportive and life-expanding experiences   Change your environment from time to time. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that support your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier. Accordingly, spend less time with negative and limiting influences.
Things you like    It is important to find some time and energy for the things that make you come alive.  Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small, each week. Eat a vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your norm. Go out to a movie, café, or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Perhaps it’s the other way around.   If you are someone who surrounds themselves with others, try spending quality time… alone. Create variation and expanding your comfort zone regularly, even in small ways, is key to living a happier life. Boredom creates contempt.  Reconnect. If you used to go fishing, paint, or play the guitar and it really made you come alive… then discover it again!  Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.

Be Optimistic  Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail.  It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.
Ask questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and helps you to find solutions. For example: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? Or what is the opportunity within this situation?   Good influences in your life can make a huge difference. Therefore, start your day off with positive things. A good breakfast, a form of exercise you enjoy, reading ,or praying… if only for a short time. You get the idea!

Forgiveness     Forgiving is not always easy and can take time, but there are some things that can make it a little easier.  You forgive for you!  As long as you don’t forgive someone you are forever linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did…. over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and, as a result of your inner turmoil,  often in other people around you too. When you forgive, you release yourself!  Make a habit of forgiving yourself.  By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or years ago, you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you.
Don’t just take the word “happy” for granted. Live it, practice it, and you too shall become it.   HAPPY… in life, work, and relationships

Man up to those who Manipulate!

~ Sue Brown ~ Leave a comment

SPIRIT UNBROKEN the Blog by Sue Brown

Sometimes, we feel manipulated by people we know and/or love. When this occurs we experience a great deal of stress and anxiety, both of which can make us ill and out of sorts.
When this occurs we need to step back and view it NOT subjectively, but rather objectively. View the entity that is doing the manipulating.

In research, it is indicted that a manipulative personality is, essentially, an aggressive personality. Now, there are also people who are overtly aggressive! Those are the people that we’re afraid of or intimidated by and their personalities are “overt.” Right there in your face. Then there is the covert personality that is aggressive in an underhanded way. Most manipulative people are the covert type.

That personality type is most often self-centered. They’re often narcissistic. They’re self-involved and they lack empathy for other people. So it’s all about what I want… and what I can get other people to do for me. It rarely is about what can be done FOR other people.They tend to use other people and they do that in a number of ways.

They’re dishonest. Or, they’re deceptive about issues. They tell half-truths or they don’t tell the whole truth. It’s also a feature of many personality disorders: borderline, avoidant – the avoidant person tries to get other people to do their work, because they will avoid others – the dependent personality – that plays the victim and wants everybody to take care of them – histrionic personality, anti-social – passive-aggressive has a big component there – and type A “angry personalities” and “addictive personalities.”

People that are addicted to drugs/ alcohol almost always blame all their problems on other people. “Angry” personalities they are they way the are because of something in their past. In the end, this type of behavior is so self-destructive. This is a pattern that runs deep with manipulation. Many of these people don’t care about relationships, sadly. They just care about getting what they want out of people. Often, they end up alone.

Guilt-tripping. One of the things that a covert-aggressive person knows well is that other types of people have very different consciences than they do. So, all a manipulator has to do is to suggest to the conscientious person that they don’t care enough, or kind of imply that they’re being selfish, and that person immediately is going to start feeling bad. So that’s an “in” that they can use to push people around and get them to do what they want.

Turn that around and a conscientious person might try, until they’re blue in the face, to get a manipulator, or any other aggressive type personality, to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, to acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, and it’s absolutely to no avail, because these people don’t think that way. It’s all about them. It’s not about others. They don’t have empathy!

Shaming is another form of manipulation. Sometimes the use of subtle sarcasm and put-downs is used as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. The stuff teachers say! I heard this from kids all the time – about the things that teachers say/said to them to shame them. Covert-aggressive people use this tactic to make other people feel inadequate, or unworthy, and therefore, to defer to them. It puts them in a one-up position.

Vilifying the victim. This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the attacker playing the victim role. The aggressor uses the tactic to make it look like he’s only responding, or defending himself, against aggression on the part of the victim. It actually enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defense.

Another thing they do is, they play the servant role. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agenda in the guise of service…you know, to a more noble cause. You do just the opposite of what you’re really doing. National politics all over again. Most of our public servants get rich while they’re in office. So what does that tell you?

What causes people to become manipulative? Where does it come from? Mostly it comes from anxiety. People anticipate catastrophic losses in some cases. So, in an effort to control their own environment, and stay safe, and meet their own needs, they try to get other people to give them what they think they can’t get for themselves.

There are many of us who have had terrible experiences as children/ young adults… who do not resort to manipulation as adults. Perhaps, this is the realization that this isn’t the right way to go about things or treat other people.

It is never too late to stop manipulating and realize we can count on our own resourcefulness and God- given strengths.