The writing below has been read by thousands and it still touches my soul. It was published a few weeks before Christmas a few years ago. The emails that I received then and still do in its regard are so heartfelt and touching.
It seems that we often get caught up in the dynamics of everyday living; so, we forget that the simplest gifts and kindnesses, during the holiday season, are the ones most appreciated and remembered by others. This year we have dealt with the deadliest of World Crisis; the Covid Pandemic. Also, there have been the aftermath attacks following the Presidential Election of “protests” … followed by riots in Missouri, New York, and California et al. regarding basic differences among how we view decisions in life, it seems this piece might be relevant , yet again.
I grew up in New York and taught high school/college for the majority of my career in New Jersey and then… Charleston, S.C. after I read an ad in a prominent northeastern newspaper that read: ” Teach in one of America’s most beautiful cities, the unteachable, the unreachable. My blood ran cold. The northeastern geographic area, I believe, helped mold me for the challenges/ tests of teaching. I speak softly, but carry a very big stick. Hurting others is never o.k., but giving of oneself … even if it’s done with NY/NJ attitude… is the norm. There have been many requests to “repost” this particular Blog. As we leap full force into the holiday preparations and festivities, let us all strive to love and do unto others in thought, word, and deed… not just in physical gifts.
Christmas is for love. It is for joy, for giving and sharing, for laughter, for reuniting with family and friends, for tinsel and brightly decorated packages. But mostly, Christmas is for love. I lose sight of this, sometimes. We all do. Before I left teaching , one of my students… a student with wide, innocent eyes and a soft, gentle laugh gave me a wondrous gift for Christmas. Jamal (I will call him that), was a fourteen year old student who lived with his aunt, a very bitter woman, greatly annoyed with the burden of caring for her dead sister’s son. She never failed to remind Jamal , if it hadn’t been for her generosity, he would be homeless . Still, with all the scolding and abuse at home, he was a sweet and gentle young man.
I had not paid any singular attention to Jamal, until he began staying after school each day (at the risk of arousing his aunt’s anger, I later found out) to help me straighten up the room. We did this quietly and comfortably, not speaking much, but enjoying the solitude of that hour of the day. When we did talk, Jamal spoke to me mostly of his mother. Though he had been quite young when she died, he remembered a kind, gentle, loving woman, who always spent time with him.
As Christmas drew near however, Jamal failed to stay after school with me. It was clear to me that I had looked forward to his coming after school. When many days passed and he still continued to leave hurriedly from the room, at the end of class, I stopped him in the hall one afternoon. I merely asked him why he no longer helped me in the classroom.
I told him how I had missed him, and his large, brown eyes lit up eagerly as he replied, “Did you really miss me?” I explained that he had been my “best helper” … ever! “I am making you a surprise,” he whispered confidentially. “It’s for Christmas.” With that, he became embarrassed and dashed from my classroom door. He didn’t stay after school anymore … continuing to rush out of my room, each time he had class with me.
Finally, came the last school day before Christmas Vacation. Jamal crept slowly into the room, late that afternoon, after the buses had already left. He had his hands concealing something behind his back. “I have your present,” he said shyly… when I looked up. “I hope you like it.” He held out his hands and there lying in his large palms was a tiny, wooden box. “It’s beautiful, Jamal. Is there something in it that I should see?” I asked, opening the top to look inside.
“Oh, you can’t see what’s in it,” he replied, “and you can’t touch it, or taste it, or feel it, but it will make you feel good all the time. It will make you safe, ’cause you said you live all alone… and I worry about you.” At the time, I was single.
I gazed into the empty box. “What is it, Jamal,” I asked gently, “that will make me feel so good?” “It’s love,” he whispered softly, “and my mother always said it’s best when you give it away.” He turned and quietly left my room.
Since then, I have kept a small box, that is made of scraps of wood on the mantle in my living room and only smile as inquiring friends raise quizzical eyebrows… when I explain to them that there is love in it.
Yes, Christmas is for celebration, parties, and laughter. It’s also a time for wondrous gifts. But mostly, Christmas is for love. Perhaps, we can all be Jamal and give each other love and understanding this year.
What is absolutely liberating to think about, is the reality that all Men, everywhere… are created equal. We really are. It’s almost so simple, that at first glance, it might be overlooked. However in contemplation, we see the sameness. Here, in my country of America, we have been obsessing over Local and National Politics. The reality is that one of the two Candidates will win; that already is a given. Some will be elated, some will be angry and annoyed. As the current catch phrase says, “It is what it is.” We forget quite often, that our worries are “First World Problems,” and not at all what is the current major concern in other countries or those that are labeled “Third World Countries.”
We, in all countries, have the same basic needs for: food, clothing, and shelter; the same basic desires for: love, understanding, and compassion; and the same non-ending tests and challenges to not only be better people for ourselves, but for the world around us. Every Man, every Nation, everywhere! Now, this is the sameness of all Humanity. Dwell on this thought and truth; let it sink in.
As we continue through the last little bit of the year 2020, let us focus not on what we don’t have, but rather focus on what we already have been given. LIFE! Life is good, although not always easy. It is especially apparent to us all during 2020! It appears that we are frequently put in positions of personal challenge and hopefully we grow from those experiences. I know from experience, it is often difficult to weather these tests, but it can be done.
Do something with those tests/challenges that make the world a better place for those following in our footsteps. No change is too small. No action is too little. Life is our gift and the most wonderful thing is the realization that all men, everywhere, start out the same. And… By the Grace of God, hopefully, we meet up in Eternity… as ONE! Have a meaningful week.
We live in a world of constant and often frightening change and never know of our tomorrow (s). I often ask myself … what will tomorrow bring! Will I have a blessed day with no worries or sickness upon me? Will I be able to cope with what will be passed to me through my day? Will I make a difference?
Finally, it dawns on me that I am so blessed to just be able to wake up and open my eyes each and every morning. I get to experience glorious Life, yet again. I should treasure each day and make everyday day count in my life.
We must not dwell on the past and ruin our present. Our past sometimes can haunt us and make our present day not too enjoyable. If your own past has haunted you and it’s fixable, then go after the problem and resolve it, so that you can live in peace. If it cannot be fixed, then choose to let it go.
As time and moments pass us by, they are then called memories and can be either positive or negative. We all want to have in our lives the best and happiest memories. None of us want to have bad memories of anything, but unfortunately, we will have many of them and disappointments to go along with them. It’s good to put everything in perspective.
I try to live everyday to the fullest and make each day count because there is no guarantee to the length of our individual times on Earth. In my journey, there have been acquired lessons of great value. Treat all people with respect and kindness. Turn the other cheek as hard as it might be. Learn to love and respect yourself, because without that, you will have a hard time loving and respecting others.
Really appreciate what you have in your Life and don’t take anything for granted. We can all improve the quality of our existence with some extra hard work to achieve a personal goal. However, if that goal is not achieved, the gain is in the personal knowledge that all effort was put forth in the venture of trying.
I try to make it a habit to glance into the sky and say thanks for all things in Life… exactly as given. My days are rewarding; yet challenging, happy; while melancholy at times, enlightening; even at this point in my life, and exhausting; while at the same time… I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Each day we experience is as different and individual as each one of us. May we choose to live it well.
I am wondering, actually suggesting, that what WE ALL GIVE UP DURING THIS COVID-CHALLENGE … IS CONTEMPT. The Oxford English Dictionary defines “contempt” as “the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration.” We will see for ourselves if either, ( yes, I did say “either”) Candidate for the President of the United States follows my suggestion. Hmmm. I should call them.
It is ultimately derived from the Latin word contemptus which means “to scorn or despise.” As ONE PEOPLE we seem to be doing this quite frequently and more so each day. We actually have contempt of another! It matters little whether it is politics (Dems vs Rep), among races (Black vs White), nationalities (Americans vs China)… it just goes on and on ad nauseam. Enough already!
I still get a kick out of my old-school Latin and how often our Modern Society defers to it. As written in The New York Times, contempt is not the same thing as strongly disagreeing with someone. Not only are strong disagreements inevitable, but “Disagreement helps us innovate, improve, and find the truth.” It also leads to common understanding and new ideas. The problem isn’t that we disagree; it’s how we disagree. Increasingly, disagreements today are characterized by a “noxious brew of anger and disgust,” which is directed not only at bad ideas, but also at the people who espouse them. Mmmm…This goes beyond incivility and it’s just plain rudeness.
It even goes beyond intolerance. It’s the conviction that while your side “is driven by benevolence,” the other side “is evil and motivated by hatred.” Who does this help? No one! You can probably think of several examples of contempt recently directed at Christians and Minorities. So can I. However, to paraphrase the First Letter of John, if we say that we are free of contempt, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
That’s worth a long thought.
Can we honestly say that we never think of our opponents, in any area, as: not quite as informed, educated, or forward thinking as we are? Do we always strive to be “greater than thou” with people while we criticize their ideas? The fact that we ourselves are often unjustly maligned… isn’t a reason to reciprocate in kind.
These are the mechanisms and media trends for modern propaganda and word peddlers. They are folks who “profit from the culture of contempt.” They pump up the outrage in our country and you can almost hear the ego rise with every page view and “like.” Of course, this isn’t easy when so much is at stake in our culture.
Come on Political Parties, “Put your big boy pants on” and play fair! It’s only the U.S. or “us” at stake; it’s never been a “you” thing. Ever!
As an adult, I am neither conservative or prudish; that’s a given. I LOVE people! Working with, and teaching, teens and college students for two decades has always kept me “up” with what’s going on in our culture. It still does and I’m guessing it will always be so. Perhaps, my caring and deep love for people, but especially the youth, has given me an even stronger sense of moral and ethical… right and wrong. This is the future of America.As the youth go and do… our country either prospers and flourishes or fails. Sadly, many of the things I see put on the Internet by America’s Youth and now adults, are either morally or ethically… just plain wrong!
I often wonder how many of us would have become better people or have accomplished more with our lives if we had “walked away” from things that were unhealthy during our lives, thus far. There are so many things that are “unhealthy” for us, that I believe we are not even aware of the long term repercussions, until it’s too late to make corrections. The Internet provides the new positive as well as the new unhealthy. Isn’t it “cool” to do so many things today, that once were thought not cool? It appears so.
For some of the best years of my life, I taught young people. Although it appeared that I was an English teacher/professor…what I really taught was about LIFE! My message was not subtle; I am not a subtle person. Life is hard and it requires a steady course to overcome our individual tests and limitations. We are going through the roughest patch in Modern-History with Covid-19. There is so much anger, Depression, nastiness, and wrongful words spoken to others, that it lessens each of us as Human Beings.
As of late, I am so angered and disappointed by what I see posted by so many people on Facebook, Twitter and many other social media sites. What you put on today, you own forever. Forever! This is especially true during this Covid, “stay at home,” shutdown. Now it’s not only the young people, but many adults to who have taken to Social Media to discredit or embarrass another co-worker, neighbor, or friend. Don’t even get me started on all of this Political nonsense; it has gotten more aggressive than ever before.
Not only are there things being said/done that can never be erased, (once it is on the Internet it can be “recalled” for eternity… I need to repeat that ), but there seems to be great delight in “shocking” the viewers/readers. You know, EVERYONE can see those postings, right? Family, employers, teachers…everyone. I see it as a call for help from younger America. It is desperation to be noticed…if only in a negative way. From adults, well it’s just plan ignorant and disgusting. Yup, I said that.
When a person blatantly acts out in words/deeds, whether they are young or older… they are in trouble and need guidance. I know this from experience and personal involvement. Excessive drinking and drugs, posing nearly nude or in suggestive sexual positions, excessive self mutilation (be it piercing or body art ), and words/deeds that hurt others are… never signs of a healthy, maturing person. When it is posted for the world to see, you open yourself up to all kinds of future liability, criticism, and heartache. Sadly, you are abusing yourself. I can’t view it any other way.
I get that all young people test and act out. However, excessive testing and acting out and then “posting” it on line for the world to see… has dangerous and long lasting repercussions. Even if your site is marked “private” one of your less scrupulous contacts has theirs wide-open for the world to see and read. Your “privacy” is their fodder. Duh!
If you are someone with a healthy self-image, you don’t need approval or validation from anyone else as to how “cool” you are. You give yourself honor and integrity by doing good things for yourself and giving generously to others. Over drinking or doing drugs, body parts with excessive art(?), eating disorders (too much or too little food; it doesn’t matter), or beating up on others physically or verbally are just scabs on the wounds that will never heal.
Do something that you can be proud of and then post it on-line. The world is watching. You will be pleased not only today, but five and ten years from now as well. If you are in an unhealthy “space” it stops today. If you “fly high” with Twitter” then make it worthwhile. Most importantly, if you are working, educating/schooling from home, or “posting” things then make them positive and healing.
DURING THIS PANDEMIC IS THE BEST OF TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF and MAKE THE WORLD, WORKPLACE, AND RELATIONSHIPS… WELL, HEALTHY! I honestly believe that this is the reason the World was “instructed” to see “clearly now!” It’s 20/20… perfect vision for how we live our lives.
If you need help, ask for it! You have that choice. Pretty amazing to be human. However, do it so you can “face” your choices with pride down the road.
When you think about “happiness” … you may think of the future in some way. The dream vacation coming up, the promotion you are working towards at work, the baby that is on the way, or the sixth date with someone new in your life. ( Thank goodness, I’m beyond that point!)
But happiness can also be found in the small things of a regular day.
So, today, look for it. Take just a few minutes and apply one of the ideas below and see how it brightens your day. I’m thinking it just might. One minute of appreciation
Take a minute, sit down and just reflect on what you appreciate and love about your partner, or a friend… or even… a family member! This will fill you with gratitude and redirect your focus to the positive of things.
Express your appreciation
Tell that partner, family member, or friend what you came up with. It will brighten his or her day. As his or her face lights up with a big smile ( you can also see it through a phone call) … you’ll feel happier too because emotions are contagious. (I’ve caught it once or twice myself!)
Take a few minutes to see how you can help someone out
Offer some practical help, some good advice, look something up for them, be encouraging and supportive, or just lend an ear.
Slow down
Walk and move slower for just a few minutes. Let your thoughts slow down. Use the minutes to enjoy what is happening all around you. Truly take it in with all your senses. There is so much simple wonder missed each day because we are preoccupied with our thoughts and plans for the future. Live in the now!
Be the smile you want to see in your world
Smile more towards the people you meet and you’ll get more smiles back. You’ll feel better. They will too. Actually, it’s contagious and they will probably smile more towards the other people they meet that day. So, don’t wait for other people to smile at you… be the smile you want to see in your world instead.
Make someone else happy
Don’t stop at just smiles, give someone a big hug. Give him or her a small gift of some kind. Ask them their name! Cook their favorite food if they have had a bad day. Actually, you can start your own day with setting a low bar for happiness. Now, that’s a good thought.
As you open your eyes and wake up to a new day tell yourself: Today, I will have a low bar for happiness!”
I have been using this one for quite some time now and it makes the ordinary day… well, just happier. I take fewer things for granted: my food, the weather, my life… and often pause to appreciate them more.
Be the day you want to see
Don’t wait for someone else to create the day you want to have. Instead, get the ball rolling yourself. Take action and take the first steps forward. Many of us are now wearing “Fit Bits” or similar to measure the day’s activities. Imagine that you are the “creator” of the day you want to experience in mood, accomplishments, and happiness! You are. Say “Yes” to something new
Maybe try something you haven’t eaten before. Listen to a new song or album. Experience a new author or movie. Go see a new sport. You get the idea. By actively going outside of what is normal for you or your comfort zone you’ll discover new, wonderful things in life quite often.
Get rid of your “should have” thoughts
The should haves in life can really drag happiness and energy down and make everything feel like heavy work. Do you really have to do all of those shoulds on your “to-do” list? Or are you maybe stuck in a rut and are doing some of those things just out of habit?
Ask yourself one of my favorite questions: Will this matter in five years? Or even five months?
By zooming out like this you make it easier to see the true value of doing something. You see it for what it really is. Your questioning makes it easier to simply relax and say no to doing something because you realize that it isn’t that important Do what you deep down believe is the “right thing.”
Instead of letting quick and judgmental words come of your mouth, be understanding.
Instead of snacking on some candy eat a fruit or drink a glass of water. Hard, right?
When an impulse inside of you wants you do something that you know deep down isn’t right for you then pause, be still for a few moments. The impulse will pass and you can easily choose to take the action you know is right in this situation.
Then appreciate that you did the right thing, give yourself a pat on the back, and see how good it all feels. Continue to do this and you’ll help yourself to build stronger self-esteem.
OK, so at this present time I am wondering if I am able to be “positive?” After all , I do write a Positive Life Blog. I live in an area of Georgia (USA) which is being blasted for the second time with a Major Hurricane (IRMA) in less than a year! What? What is so ironic is that this area along the coast had not been hit with a major storm in close to a century and then came Hurricane Matthew, last October 2016. Now, eleven months later, again. My island of Tybee was hit hard and I was not prepared mentally for what met my sight when we returned, last year.
The island was “wasted” on some parts of it and other parts were untouched… or touched with a much gentler hand. For some reason, insurance companies no longer assist to the full extent of coverage with a named storm. That was something not well known. It still isn’t. Even if you had “minimal” damage as we did, to be expected to have thousands, and I do mean thousands, of extra dollars set aside for repairs, replacement, and repainting… was unrealistic. There were actually folks who were wishing their entire home had been washed away/destroyed because then that would have been covered! That’s disheartening for the human spirit.
During Matthew evacuation, we travelled clear across the state to Alabama. It was a bumper to bumper 13 hour drive. With Irma, we have travelled north to Atlanta, bumper to bumper for hours. In both cases my positive spirit was happy to visit places that I had never been to. The phrase “the calm before the storm,’ played over and over in my mind. With each evacuation, I can’t lie, I am really afraid. Not so much about safety, but rather for the loss of home and property. But then it dawns on me, it is just that… physical things and … stuff! Both times, the two days right before the storm were sunny and bright. Everyone was doing “touristy” things. I saw attractions of arboretums, waterfalls, parks, and shops that other wise I would not have seen. I was enchanted and thrilled with each thing. How could this be?
The Human Spirit is one of remarkable resilience. Here in Atlanta, I am blessed to be staying at the new home of my daughter. Who, until two months ago, resided in Florida in one of the worst hit areas by Irma. It indeed is a small miracle that she now is in the very place where I am seeking refuge. To get to spend this time with her where it almost appears that I am the “child” seeking comfort and solace, (rather than the other way around), teaches me that the circle of life is indeed real. She is the “mother” that I never had. Ironic, but true.
I am nervous, yet anxious, to go back home to Tybee Island once we are given the go ahead. Yet, this time away in evacuation has been of great value and life lessons in love. I have laughed hard, cried secretly, and commiserated openly. But… there is nothing better than people taking care of others. What is witnessed on television, first hand, and via the Internet is heartening. Human beings are: warm, caring, unselfish, and extraordinarily resilient. I have life, love, and memories.
When I think about where I have been in life and where I still have to go, I get nervous. Have I done enough? It is not exactly clear to me when I realized that my life here on Earth had an actual purpose, but it became clear to me that it does. The path that I have been following for many years, even if I didn’t recognize it, is to make the world a softer, kinder, and gentler place. A person of substance is what I try to be. I repeat… try.
It is apparent to others how much I “love” people. I really do. It is one of my many Blessings that I have been given during my life and one beyond compare. How is it possible that one whom had minimal affection/love as a child grows up to be caring and compassionate? Perhaps, it was acquired over time, but what I know clearly is that people react to kindness and caring. Is it possible that this fact is so often overlooked?
Then one day, I got it! Most important to others is that we be a man or woman of substance. What exactly is that? Paraphrasing the definition:
“A person of substance is someone who strives to live a life that means something and who chooses to participate rather than be a spectator in life in order to be part of the solution as opposed to the problem.”
But what would make us actively participate and try to seek new roads? Initially, we need to find a cause outside of our own being. For some, that’s uncomfortable. While it is natural and accepted that we humans are self-absorbed and often self-centered… a cause that benefits just one person and would hardly make a dent on the significance scale. That’s according to some people; I disagree. No cause is too small. Doing something for the greater good means to pursue causes that:
Make the world a better place
Increase the quality of life for others
Right a wrong
Prevent the end of something good
Initiate something good
Participation
Active participation requires courage and people of substance must have it! While the frail soul is safe from failure, they will never taste victory either. So, people of substance take risks. They try and they fail, but they never grow weary of trying. U.S President Teddy Roosevelt said:
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
People of substance take responsibility for their actions successful or not. They wholeheartedly put themselves at the center of the action and fully accept whatever the consequences that the action may bring.
Solutions
People of substance know that there is no middle/neutral position on anything. They identify with the belief that, “If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.” Similar to wants outnumbering means, problems outnumber solutions and real problem solvers in life are few and far between.
Good problem solving between competing interests typically requires a person of integrity with complete objectivity and solid values. The solution seeking person of substance will have had significant experience in both the good and the bad.
They will have “met with triumph and disaster and have treated those just the same” as the IF poem, by Rudyard Kipling, so accurately says. No doubt they will have lived an experience rich, full, and varied life. Choosing to experience life outside of our comfort zone in order to gain life experiences that can be used in solving problems would appear to be another action that would lead to becoming a person of substance. Sometimes, it is hard.
Becoming
It appears to me that becoming anything involves a series of decisions followed by necessary actions. Becoming a person of substance is no different. It starts for all of us the same:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference. (Robert Frost)
We each make hundreds of decisions each day. We choose between frivolous and important, between what’s best for us and what’s right, between short and long term betterment, between politeness and wholeheartedness, between apathy and commitment, between self-centered and the greater good, between avoiding and accepting responsibility, between risk avoidance and risk management, between a life of leisure and a life of challenge, between timidity and courage, and between deceit and integrity.
I believe the person of substance chooses the less travelled… second option at each and every divergence. It is indeed the harder road, but one well worth it.
Over the weekend, I was thinking that there are so many great lessons from life. I made a list of the most important ones so far, for me. These “lessons” have had a great impact in my life thus far. Read On!
1. We get treated in life the way we teach others to treat us.
You have no idea how true this is. It was us who allowed THEM at one point to start treating us the way they do and little by little we got into the mess we are right now, having to live with the consequences. Respect and love yourself and others will do the same.
2. There are no mistakes, only lessons we need to master.
The idea is for us to learn from everything and everyone, of course, if you want to, and if you don’t, well, your life will look at 40 the same way it did when you were 20 and at 60 the way it looked when you were 40, and so on.
A lot of people think that the moment they decide to forgive somebody who once hurt them, the person who receives the forgiveness is the only one who will benefit from this kind gesture, but that’s not the case. I can tell you that the person who will benefit the most is the person who does the forgiving. Holding onto anger and resentment can do you no good; it’s like having a clenched fist 24/7.
4. What you resist persists… and what you focus on… expands.
We’re resisting change, we’re resisting our problems, resisting the weather, resisting our friends and family, resisting our responsibilities, our job, our boss… our lives. There are so many things we are resisting, not realizing that resistance will only make things worse. Carl Jung talks about this, warning us that what we resist not only will persist but will also grow in size.
5. Life is all about the journey and less about the destination.
A lot of times we get so caught up in what we want to achieve, that perfect picture, that end result, that we forget to live and to really enjoy this journey called life. Now,you may want to take a deep cleansing breath, and allow yourself to be present in everything you do. Allow yourself to enjoy each second of your life; to observe the world around you; to observe the people that are present in your life and the beauty that is present within you and all around you, life in general.
6. People deserve a second chance.
The moment you forgive somebody, chances are that you will also give them a second chance, a chance to be near you, without trying to remind them of what they did to you, treating them not as they are, or as they once were, but rather as you want them to be. By doing this, you are also allowing them to grow and to become better and better every day. Your ego might tell you to “let these people go” but what does your heart tell you? We are all humans, we all make mistakes, and we all deserve a second chance.
7. If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody else will.
Don’t expect others to see gold where you can only see dust. If you don’t believe in yourself, if you don’t believe that you are a capable, a worthy human being, chances are that nobody will. You will act on that belief and people will treat you based on what you think about yourself, based on how you treat yourself and based on how you act and behave in the world.
If you think life is unfair, that bad things always happen to you, chances are that life will treat you unfairly, and you will always have many reasons to complain about. On the other hand, if you think life is a gift, a gift for you to enjoy, not to keep, that wonderful things always happen to you, that wonderful people are being drawn to you, life will give you all of those things and even more. Just how there is a law of gravity, there is also a law of attraction, and based on this law, you attract in your life that which you think about all day long, you attract that which you are, because you see, like attracts like.
9. If you love yourself, chances are others will love you also.
It’s all about self love, it all starts with self love. If you don’t have love for yourself, how can you expect to get it from somebody else? Love yourself and others will love you also.
10. The world has plenty of information but not enough inspiration.
If you think about it, now with the technological revolution, we get access to so much information. Let’s take for example a tiny chip. How much information can you store on it? Isn’t it incredible? We have more information than ever… but when it comes to inspiration (in- spirit) I would say that we have a deficit. We focus too much on the outside and not enough on the inside. We can’t seem to understand that it all starts from within. If the inside is a mess, the outside will also be a mess. Listen to your heart, listen to your intuition and know that: “The only real valuable thing is intuition.” Albert Einstein
11. The world won’t change if you don’t change.
You hear people all the time complaining about how crazy the world is and how they want it to change, but if you tell them to make the first step…: “What? Me? Do you think there is something wrong with me? I am perfect, there is nothing I need to change. These people are crazy and they need to change, not me! They are the ones who are destroying us all, not me… Those bastards!”
You see,the outside world is a reflection of who we all are on the inside, and all this madness that is taking place around us, is a result of our collective consciousness, and unfortunately it’s a very polluted consciousness. It’s not just them, it’s us, us all. If we want the world to change, we have to start with ourselves, and trust me, there is something wrong with many of us. With you, with me, with he and she…
12. Loneliness is different from solitude.
There is a difference between being lonely and being in solitude. When you are in solitude, you take advantage of it to get in touch with you inner self, to meditate and to quiet your mind, and that constant need to be around others in order for you to no longer feel lonely, will disappear. Wayne Dyer talk about this in such a wonderful way, saying that we can never be lonely if we like the person we’re alone with. If you like yourself, if you have no problem with your own person, if you have accepted yourself completely, you will be content with having some quiet time, away from all the noise. You will feel happy when alone and also when surrounded by other people.
The law of attraction works in all that is good and also in all that is bad, and it’s only up to us whether we choose to focus our attention on the negative or on the positive. Focus your attention on the many great things you have and you are grateful for, and you will see that the more you do that, the more reasons you will have to express your gratitude for.
14. Patience is a virtue.
In order for things to happen, in order for anything to happen, we need to be patient. We first plant the seed of greatness and then we wait for it to grow, we allow it to grow; we take care of it and we protect it. Great things take time and we need to learn how to give time, time.
15. Courage is not the absence of fear.
Fear, that crazy fear who won’t allow us to move forward, who won’t allow us to grow and transform our lives and of those around us will always be present in our lives. Even though many of us know that fear does not exist and that fear is only in our mind, we choose to be paralyzed by it and we choose to allow it to control our lives, our dreams, our goals and the level of our happiness. Fear will be present whenever you want to stretch, whenever you want to get out of your comfort zone and whenever you want to do more, be more, have more. What we need to do is look beyond it, and always be aware of the fact that most of the things we fear never happen, because FEAR is nothing more than… False Expectation… Appearing Real.
LIFE in itself is such a positive!What an amazing “gift” that often is taken for granted. Instead of thinking about what could go wrong in your life, a positive thinker thinks about what can go right.
A positive thinker is going to look for the good in things. That’s just who they are. That means they will always try to find something positive about every situation and what they are supposed to learn from it. However, everyone can learn to become a positive person.
When you give off positive energy, you infect others with that positive energy and that they will return that energy to you. It is basically the belief that what you put out will come back to you. You are helpful, happy, and kind and they will be as well.
A positive thinker is going to be able to stay upbeat in any situation; they do not dwell on the negative. They accept ithe challenge/ test as given and then move on. Done!
Positive thinking can be used in every aspect of life, from the little things to major things. It can be used to help you get through trying times. You can also use it to just make your average day go a little better.
Positive thinking involves being able to turn off the negative thoughts and replace them with good thoughts.
You will start to do everything in a more positive way, including how you treat others. This will not go unnoticed. Your interaction with others plays a large part in your life.
Positive thinking will allow you to believe that you can accomplish something if you put your mind to it. You will be able to set goals and reach them because you will believe that you can do it. You can!
Positive thinking is very influential. It is going to start to shape everyone and everything around you. You are going to see the great power it has almost immediately. The power of positive thinking is not subtle.
You have to make an effort to let positive thinking start turning all your thoughts and ideas into positive thoughts and ideas. It is up to you to start pushing the negativity out of your head and let positive thoughts guide you.
When you start to find your thoughts, drifting to the negative… it is your responsibility to make an effort to make them positive instead.
The power of positive thinking is that it will shape your life. It is so contagious that it will affect the world around you. You will start to see positive thinking everywhere you go.
The true power of Positive thinking is that it allows you to live life to its fullest potential and for all that it has to offer without letting negativity bring you down.
A positive mind anticipates: happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds. That’s a win: win right there.
When the attitude is positive, we entertain pleasant feelings and constructive images and see in our mind’s eye what we really want to happen.
Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. It may take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they do.
When you expect success and say “I can,” you fill yourself with confidence and joy.
Fill your mind with light, hope and feelings of strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities.
When you choose the best possible action, it makes it that much easier to choose the best positive meanings to the given situations stemming from the best possible actions that were chosen.
Don’t think of positive thoughts as an avoidance technique or even worse, a gimmick; think of them as symptom of good living. LIVE ON!
In light of the untimely, young death of one of America’s prominent athletes, Kobe Bryant, it is important for all of us to realize the necessity of being positive in mind, body, and personal goals. We are not guaranteed any set amount of time on this Earth, but we do have the amazing capability of choosing our own paths. It is often difficult, and even at times stressful, but the choice is given again to us each and every new day.
Super Tips for a Positive Lifestyle
1. When facing a problem, focus on the solution. Refuse to allow your mind to think of difficulties and on negative results that might arise during this test. That’s what it is… a test.
2. Acknowledge problems and difficulties, but face them with courage and a positive attitude.
3. Smile often when in the company of people. They will like you more and you will feel happier, but your smile needs to be sincere, not mechanical. Try to be friendly and kind. This would help you smile naturally and sincerely.
4. Look around you, and you will always find something that can bring a smile to your face. For a time forget everything that is bothering you and smile.
5 Let go! You waste a lot of time energy when you attach yourself to the past, also to habits that are not useful, and wishing things and people were different. What has happened cannot be undone, so why waste your time and energy over it? It is better and wiser to go on. Constantly work on this.
6. You need to learn to detach yourself from what is disturbing, bothering, or hurting you in your life. This is often the greatest of challenges!
7. Don’t be afraid to show courage, self-esteem, and assertiveness. At the same time, be kind and tolerant toward people.
8. Exercise your body regularly. You may take a good walk a few times a week, swim, go to the gym or engage in any kind of sport you want. DO IT!9. Strive to be POSITIVE AND OPTIMISTIC. Instead of wallowing in fears and worries and criticizing others, find out how to improve your life, solve your problems and be more happy, not in the future, but right now.
10. Choose happiness and focus on happiness, because what you focus on… GROWS!
There are moments of sadness in life, and there is failure and there are obstacles. Acknowledge them, but do not dwell on them. Look at them as lessons, and strive to find ways to overcome them.
11. Don’t be afraid of the new and unfamiliar, get out of your comfort zone and do things you have not done before. You can do small things, like tasting a different kind of food, meeting new people, going for walks or going to hear lectures on a topic that is new to you.
12. Resist to the temptation to procrastinate and postpone for tomorrow or to an indefinite date, what you can do today. This is not new.
13. Always ask yourself, how can I improve, how can I do better at what I am doing, and how can I improve my life?
Remember, if you want to live a positive lifestyle you need to take control of your life. You need to be proactive with your life, not passive. Do not just daydream and wish things were different. Do not wait for a better and happier day.
LIFE in itself is such a positive! What an amazing “gift” that often is taken for granted. Instead of thinking about what could go wrong in your life, a positive thinker thinks about what can go right.
A positive thinker is going to look for the good in things. That’s just who they are. That means they will always try to find something positive about every situation and what they are supposed to learn from it. However, everyone can learn to become a positive person.
When you give off positive energy, you infect others with that positive energy and that they will return that energy to you. It is basically the belief that what you put out will come back to you. You are helpful, happy, and kind and they will be as well.
A positive thinker is going to be able to stay upbeat in any situation; they do not dwell on the negative. They accept ithe challenge/ test as given and then move on. Done!
Positive thinking can be used in every aspect of life, from the little things to major things. It can be used to help you get through trying times. You can also use it to just make your average day go a little better.
Positive thinking involves being able to turn off the negative thoughts and replace them with good thoughts.
You will start to do everything in a more positive way, including how you treat others. This will not go unnoticed. Your interaction with others plays a large part in your life.
Positive thinking will allow you to believe that you can accomplish something if you put your mind to it. You will be able to set goals and reach them because you will believe that you can do it. You can!
Positive thinking is very influential. It is going to start to shape everyone and everything around you. You are going to see the great power it has almost immediately. The power of positive thinking is not subtle.
You have to make an effort to let positive thinking start turning all your thoughts and ideas into positive thoughts and ideas. It is up to you to start pushing the negativity out of your head and let positive thoughts guide you.
When you start to find your thoughts, drifting to the negative… it is your responsibility to make an effort to make them positive instead.
The power of positive thinking is that it will shape your life. It is so contagious that it will affect the world around you. You will start to see positive thinking everywhere you go.
The true power of Positive thinking is that it allows you to live life to its fullest potential and for all that it has to offer without letting negativity bring you down.
A positive mind anticipates: happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds. That’s a win: win right there.
When the attitude is positive, we entertain pleasant feelings and constructive images and see in our mind’s eye what we really want to happen.
Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. It may take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they do.
When you expect success and say “I can,” you fill yourself with confidence and joy.
Fill your mind with light, hope and feelings of strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities.
When you choose the best possible action, it makes it that much easier to choose the best positive meanings to the given situations stemming from the best possible actions that were chosen.
Don’t think of positive thoughts as an avoidance technique or even worse, a gimmick; think of them as a symptom of good living. LIVE ON!
Sometimes, we feel manipulated by people we know and/or love. When this occurs we experience a great deal of stress and anxiety, both of which can make us ill and out of sorts. When this occurs we need to step back and view it NOT subjectively, but rather objectively. View the entity that is doing the manipulating.
In research, it is indicted that a manipulative personality is, essentially, an aggressive personality. Now, there are also people who are overtly aggressive! Those are the people that we’re afraid of or intimidated by and their personalities are “overt.” Right there in your face. Then there is the covert personality that is aggressive in an underhanded way. Most manipulative people are the covert type.
That personality type is most often self-centered. They’re often narcissistic. They’re self-involved and they lack empathy for other people. So it’s all about what I want… and what I can get other people to do for me. It rarely is about what can be done FOR other people.They tend to use other people and they do that in a number of ways.
They’re dishonest. Or, they’re deceptive about issues. They tell half-truths or they don’t tell the whole truth. It’s also a feature of many personality disorders: borderline, avoidant – the avoidant person tries to get other people to do their work, because they will avoid others – the dependent personality – that plays the victim and wants everybody to take care of them – histrionic personality, anti-social – passive-aggressive has a big component there – and type A “angry personalities” and “addictive personalities.”
People that are addicted to drugs/ alcohol almost always blame all their problems on other people. “Angry” personalities they are they way the are because of something in their past. In the end, this type of behavior is so self-destructive. This is a pattern that runs deep with manipulation. Many of these people don’t care about relationships, sadly. They just care about getting what they want out of people. Often, they end up alone.
Guilt-tripping. One of the things that a covert-aggressive person knows well is that other types of people have very different consciences than they do. So, all a manipulator has to do is to suggest to the conscientious person that they don’t care enough, or kind of imply that they’re being selfish, and that person immediately is going to start feeling bad. So that’s an “in” that they can use to push people around and get them to do what they want.
Turn that around and a conscientious person might try, until they’re blue in the face, to get a manipulator, or any other aggressive type personality, to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, to acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, and it’s absolutely to no avail, because these people don’t think that way. It’s all about them. It’s not about others. They don’t have empathy!
Shaming is another form of manipulation. Sometimes the use of subtle sarcasm and put-downs is used as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. The stuff teachers say! I heard this from kids all the time – about the things that teachers say/said to them to shame them. Covert-aggressive people use this tactic to make other people feel inadequate, or unworthy, and therefore, to defer to them. It puts them in a one-up position.
Vilifying the victim. This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the attacker playing the victim role. The aggressor uses the tactic to make it look like he’s only responding, or defending himself, against aggression on the part of the victim. It actually enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defense.
Another thing they do is, they play the servant role. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agenda in the guise of service…you know, to a more noble cause. You do just the opposite of what you’re really doing. National politics all over again. Most of our public servants get rich while they’re in office. So what does that tell you?
What causes people to become manipulative? Where does it come from? Mostly it comes from anxiety. People anticipate catastrophic losses in some cases. So, in an effort to control their own environment, and stay safe, and meet their own needs, they try to get other people to give them what they think they can’t get for themselves.
There are many of us who have had terrible experiences as children/ young adults… who do not resort to manipulation as adults. Perhaps, this is the realization that this isn’t the right way to go about things or treat other people.
It is never too late to stop manipulating and realize we can count on our own resourcefulness and God- given strengths.
Posted on Sometimes, I feel tested and confused in life and have a day or two where I’m blue. Luckily, it is rather short lived, but I was in one of those spaces until yesterday. When I least expected it, there was God’s reminder of my own Blessings. I had been focusing only on my tests as of late. I call these my selfish times and they remind me to be more humble and accept my tests.I first saw the homeless man, when I pulled into the parking lot of a large super-store…O.K…WalMart. I have never spent one night without a roof of some sort over my head. He was not standing visibly out in the open, where he could be easily seen, but rather off to the side. He sat on a wooden bench that almost seemed out of place near the large lot…but there he was. At first, it struck me odd that he was not standing closer to where all the cars were coming in.I was not sure why he had even caught my eye at all, on his remote bench, as the parking lot was busy and I was being cautious. It was the first day in almost a month where the temperature and sun seemed to be in harmony and maybe he was enjoying it. The man was holding a small sign, which eventually caught my attention; it said nothing more than HOMELESS. He held it low on his lap. Perhap, he was worried about Security or local police chasing him away. It was then I decided to buy him some food and give it to him as I was leaving the parking lot. Inside I picked up a few prepackaged sandwiches and drinks, got my own toiletry items, and headed back out to my car.From where I had parked, I couldn’t see him any longer. Maybe he had left. When I got closer, I could see that he was still seated in the same spot…in the same position, holding the sign in his lap. I wondered what I would say to this man. It was difficult to tell how old he was; he was so dirty. His ragged sweatshirt was torn and the soles were pulling off his sneakers, I could see that as I proceeded towards him. He spit onto the pavement in front of him with huge racking caughs and held up his hand not to come any closer.“I have a bad cold,” were his first raspy words. “I’ve been sleeping in the woods.” My bag of food seemed inadequate, but I handed it to him anyway. I hadn’t seen a full grown man quite that thin in a long time. His blue eyes were direct and he didn’t look away, but stared right at me. Most of his front teeth were missing or badly decayed. He held such sadness in his eyes, that I involuntarily choked up. We chatted back and forth for a bit. I’m not sure why, because he was totally sober, I asked if he would stop drinking and he hesitated… then nodded agreement.When he mentioned he had just been into WalMart checking out the cough/cold medicine and then rattled off the price.. .I knew he was telling the truth about not feeling well. If I had stopped and asked him what he needed on the way in, I could have gotten that for him while I was in there, but I hadn’t been that inciteful. It also occurred to me that maybe he was completely conning me. For some reason, he still struck me as sincere. I noticed a still burning cigarette on the ground next to the bench and asked him to try and stop smoking too.My own brazenness amazed me! Who did I think I was asking this total stranger to stop drinking and smoking? Again, he nodded agreement. He acknowledged that the soft drink would feel good on his throat, but he didn’t know how much of the sandwich he could eat. I merely asked him that he “try” and felt compelled to mention how thin he was and that he needed to take better care of himself.As I turned to leave, he called out to me softly. “Thank you for calling me Sir,” he said to me. My throat tightened. “God Bless you Miss.” No, may He bless you,” was all I could utter in reply. They were the most sincere words I had said all week. As I waited to pull out of the parking lot, I gave a final glance in my rear view mirror. The man was eagerly tearing open the cellophane on the roast beef sandwich.And all of a sudden…I got it! There, but for the Grace of God…go I.So, I ask all who read these words to make a resolve that we focus not only on our own issues/needs, but actively assist others whose station in life is even less than our own. There are so many who need help, now more than ever.
Self-image is tied up with self-worth. No one can create a healthy self-image for us…we must do it for ourselves. This is an especially difficult task for someone who has been abused. This goes for children as well as adults and any type of abuse: verbal, physical, sexual, and emotional. Changing the way we look at ourselves is hard, but it can be done. Issues of doubt pervade every aspect of decision making for the abused. All sorts of “What if …” enters conscious and subconscious thought. What if I fail? What if I’m not loved? etc. etc.
There is a large hole, left by the current or previous abuse, that is in constant need of refilling. In order to fill that hole…some overeat, some drink or use perscription drugs to numb the memories,some indulge in many unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships to make themselves feel “loved.” The end result is the same: there is no change in the level of self-worth.
We have convinced ourselves that our abuse was/is deserved because we aren’t worth anything better. We continue the abuse, literally, by now abusing our own minds and bodies. You give yourself the opportunity to heal when you realize how special and unique you are. What is your gift that only you can offer the world? Everyone has one…everyone. God has seen to that. It goes hand in hand that when you like yourself and have a positive self-image…others will like you as well. Knowing that we each have enormous self-worth is the ladder to healthy self-image.
My dear daughter, now a full grown woman, the day you really see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.
If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “ Mom, you said the same thing before.” Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story, for you it was GOOD NIGHT MOON, night after night… until you would fall asleep.
When in the future, if I don’t want to take a shower, don’t be mad and embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you, making it seem like a game and trying to get you to take a bath… when you were a little girl?
When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me in that annoyed way. Please remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do so many things like eating properly, getting dressed, combing your hair, and dealing with life’s issues, every day.
Maybe, today is the day you understand that I’m getting old, (well, old-er, anyway), and no one hates it more than me. I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.
If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient, or annoyed. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me… is to be with you. I would willingly talk about… well, nothing… just so I can spend time with you.
And when my tired, arthritic legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first began to walk. Lend me your arm in the future, if I come to need that for support. That day will undoubtedly be here one day too. I dread it.
When these days come, don’t feel sad for me or mad at me … just be with me, and understand me, while I get older with love.
I cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we share. Each and every moment with you is a blessing.
So, with a huge smile and the extraordinary love I’ve always had for you, I just want to tell you again, I love you so much… my wonderful, wonderful daughter. Live your life well.
When I think about where I have been in life and where I still have to go, I get nervous. Have I done enough? It is not exactly clear to me when I realized that my life here on Earth had an actual purpose, but it became clear to me that it does. The path that I have been following for many years, even if I didn’t recognize it, is to make the world a softer, kinder, and gentler place. A person of substance is what I try to be. I repeat… try.
It is apparent to others how much I “love” people. I really do. It is one of my many Blessings that I have been given during my life and one beyond compare. How is it possible that one whom had minimal affection/love as a child grows up to be caring and compassionate? Perhaps, it was acquired over time, but what I know clearly is that people react to kindness and caring. Is it possible that this fact is so often overlooked?
Then one day, I got it! Most important to others is that we be a man or woman of substance. What exactly is that? Paraphrasing the definition:
“A person of substance is someone who strives to live a life that means something and who chooses to participate rather than be a spectator in life in order to be part of the solution as opposed to the problem.”
But what would make us actively participate and try to seek new roads? Initially, we need to find a cause outside of our own being. For some, that’s uncomfortable. While it is natural and accepted that we humans are self-absorbed and often self-centered… a cause that benefits just one person and would hardly make a dent on the significance scale. That’s according to some people; I disagree. No cause is too small. Doing something for the greater good means to pursue causes that:
Make the world a better place
Increase the quality of life for others
Right a wrong
Prevent the end of something good… or
Initiate something good
Participation
Active participation requires courage and people of substance must have it! While the frail soul is safe from failure, they will never taste victory either. So, people of substance take risks. They try and they fail, but they never grow weary of trying. U.S President Teddy Roosevelt said:
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
People of substance take responsibility for their actions successful or not. They wholeheartedly put themselves at the center of the action and fully accept whatever the consequences that the action may bring.
Solutions
People of substance know that there is no middle/neutral position on anything. They identify with the belief that, “If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.” Similar to wants outnumbering means, problems outnumber solutions and real problem solvers in life are few and far between.
Good problem solving between competing interests typically requires a person of integrity with complete objectivity and solid values. The solution seeking person of substance will have had significant experience in both the good and the bad.
They will have “met with triumph and disaster and have treated those just the same” as the IFpoem, by Rudyard Kipling, so accurately says. No doubt they will have lived an experience rich, full, and varied life. Choosing to experience life outside of our comfort zone in order to gain life experiences that can be used in solving problems would appear to be another action that would lead to becoming a person of substance. Sometimes, it is hard.
Becoming
It appears to me that becoming anything involves a series of decisions followed by necessary actions. Becoming a person of substance is no different. It starts for all of us the same:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference. (Robert Frost)
We each make hundreds of decisions each day. We choose between frivolous and important, between what’s best for us and what’s right, between short and long term betterment, between politeness and wholeheartedness, between apathy and commitment, between self-centered and the greater good, between avoiding and accepting responsibility, between risk avoidance and risk management, between a life of leisure and a life of challenge, between timidity and courage, and between deceit and integrity.
I believe the person of substance chooses the less travelled road… the second option, at each and every divergence. It is indeed the harder road, but one well worth it.
All of us face some test of… defying the odds and overcoming personal challenges, at some point in our lives. Whether it’s overcoming current or past abuse, financial and/or emotional tests, drug and alcohol addiction or any number of other things; if/when we defy the odds…we win! Often, I write about how blessed I feel, that in spite of my background…I am relatively unscathed. When I think about it further, I know that it was also positive action on my part.
When we overcome statistical odds in our own lives and come out better on the other side…we are winners in our own right. No one chooses to be on the receiving end of a painful test or challenge. Similarly, no one gets to choose their birth parents, sex, skin color, or even nationality. The mere fact that we arrive on this Earth as humans, at all …is somewhat of a statistical miracle. We arrive from the fertilization of a single sperm finding a single egg. That’s defying the odds right there in our own birth.
In this great country of the United States, we DO get to choose other things that we often take for granted; freedom of speech and freedom of religion are just two. We saw it in action during this past campaign and will see it in 2020… Again. In addition, we have the freedom to leave our own negative choices and pasts behind us, at any time. We have the freedom to pursue an education, and take it to the highest level, similar to our presidents, and therefore secure good employment. We have the freedom to help others and give generously of ourselves to make America a better place for all. That follows that we can be a country of givers and not takers. This applies to all of us. It appears we are off to a start in that direction… again… or maybe for the first time.
We also have the freedom to stop whining about what we don’t have, can’t do, or don’t like… and make our own changes. The current or next administration is not going to pay our rent/mortgage, lower gas/food prices, and cure all the other issues facing our country. Let’s do it for ourselves and become a Nation of “Givers” beyond compare. And I’m not referring to handouts and freebies from local organizations and governments. Do not expect to take unless you sincerely believe in Paying Forward when your own personal challenge has ended.
When I thought of the slogan “Time for a Change” …again… it means that we all have to change in some personal area; this is not a slogan for any administration alone!
Defy the odds, overcome your own challenges and become better with each day. In America, all things are possible.
It started in my early years… most likely in grade school. Often, I was told I was “too nice.” Perhaps, it was because I went home to conditions that were the farthest thing from “nice” and “normal.” Even teachers would tell me that I was “too nice!” I was the one who would pick the worst player… first… for the kickball team. I wanted to be sure they knew that they wouldn’t be left standing there at the end of choosing. I was also the student who volunteered to stay after and clean the boards. The truth was that I would do anything not to go home.
Years later in my teaching career, both on high school and in college levels, I was told the same thing. ” Ms B… you’re too nice.” I got this on Annual Teaching Reviews and from the students themselves. Nope, I saw it as caring, love, and guidance. In the end, they all did as well.
Here’s what I absolutely know about being “too nice,” in my adult years. There is what others might say about being “too nice,” but then there is my view…as always.
People will see you as weak
They might take advantage of you. This first point is no shock. This is generally the rap against being too quick to put your own needs aside in favor of the needs of others and many, point out this danger.
I say:You can never be too nice to others. Do it without thinking.
You forget to be nice to yourself
This is also a problem with being “too nice,” some might say/feel. It is often cited by experts in regard to entrepreneurship as a problem. Being responsive is great for your business, but take your focus on meeting others’ needs too far and … you’ll end up with no time left over to work on your own priorities or the longer-term issues that are essential to your company.
I say: Find the balance in life. It is notYou vs. Them, but rather… You and Them!
You attract the wrong kind of people
Kindness may be a prerequisite for healthy and meaningful relationships, but also an inability to set boundaries. Being excessively nice… “You will start to attract needy, whiny, overly emotional, demanding/controlling people,” say many experts. Again, I disagree.
I say: You might be the only bright light in those peoples’ days and actually improve immeasurably the quality of their lives and therefore improve everyone’s day. Keep on!
Folks might distrust you
Let’s face it, genuinely nice people aren’t rare, but especially in some corners of the business and professional world, they’re hardly in the majority either. This sad fact means that if you are truly nice, you’re liable to be occasionally misunderstood and even viewed with suspicion. People might believe that you have an ulterior motive in mind, otherwise, why would you be doing all these special things? Just as there is no such thing as a free lunch, there can’t be, such a thing as “too nice” and for no reason.” Really?
I say: Prove them wrong! Whether it’s in life, business, and relationships… always be “too nice.” Everyone benefits!
If someone is too nice to people, they start expecting unreasonable amount of niceness from others as well. This always leads to the nice ones thinking others are being mean to them or taking them for granted. I read this in articles and it always makes me smile.
My guess is that some people cannot handle this and when they talk about how they’re nice to everyone while others take them for granted, they tend to sound very entitled. (Maybe their niceness isn’t genuine.)
I say: It doesn’t matter if people are nice back to you. What matters is that you are nice to them. Expect nothing in return.
How do you strike a balance between compassion and kindness, and being “too nice”?
Compassion and kindness are wonderful traits for people to have, but some times they are done for the wrong reason. One should never show either trait to: impress, gain respect, or to “show others up.” This applies to home, work, and any other public ventures. As of late, we have seen this in Politics and it hasn’t boded well with the masses.
I say: Always strive to be “nice” and compassion and kindness will follow!
But here’s a warning: Never assume that someone is insecure, weak, or showing off if they are “too nice. ” Sometimes, they just are that… nice!
It’s Back to School time all across the U.S. I worry about the “kids” more today than ever before. Over my years within the classroom, I witnessed the students experimenting and trying new things at a younger and younger age. As my teaching discipline was high school English…it is fair to say over many years I “taught it all” and “taught all of them” and because of that saw teenagers in a natural light… away from home and with peers.
Many of them are still “children” inside, but with pressures from Society and friends, they try to come across as adults… both in their words and actions. I was lucky enough to be one of the trusted “real” adults that the students sought out for advice and guidance. It is fair to say that I offered it freely.
It is clear to me that although adults like to say and think that things were the same “when we were your age” ... it’s not even close to the same. We had issues and concerns, yes, but not the drama (their word not mine) which is clearly a part of the modern teens’ culture.
A parent, teacher, or guardian who is not aware that frequent drinking, readily available drugs, and early, early, early sex are the NORM with high schoolers (and even younger) and not the exception… are fooling themselves and at the same time doing a dis-service to their teen. Kids, even the good ones, test the boundaries. Do not be naive.
Over the years, I taught in three different states in different parts of the country. I taught in the suburbs and I taught inner-city. There were times the students were well-off financially and there were times that almost all of them qualified for free-lunch. They were all skin colors, many different nationalities and yet … every one of them was the same.
Here’s the universal sameness :
Children/teens need and expect boundaries! Children/ teens need and hope for guidance! Children/teens need consequences … when they violate those boundaries! Children/teens need positive role models …not buddies! Children/ teens need you to actively ask them the hard questions and then not believe the easy answers… because it’s easier for you! Children/teens are not adults…t hey just pretend that they are! BUT children and teens do ALL the things adults do and… they are still not ready. They still have so much to learn in school… and in life.
May we all take a more active role in young lives, everywhere; they are our legacy.
Some CHALLENGES become difficult to overcome, especially when the odds are stacked against us. Going against all odds, is something we’re capable of doing. However, to overcome challenges you need to have that never quit attitude in your own life and psyche. If you develop it… you’ll overcome quite a bit. I am sure of it.
Motivate yourself. Say, YES I CAN.
The challenge should bring out the best of you in this situation. Slow it down, think that process though… completely. Develop that confidence by saying there’s no way you’re going to fail at this. If you develop that mindset, you’ll get it done.
Stay calm and cool headed when you’re facing serious troubles and problems in personal life as well as on the job. You have to collect yourself and calm down. You can’t panic your way through it. Take a deep breath, relax, and slow down. Think things through calmly. Then, and only then, move forward.
Let failure fuel you in a positive way. Most people will avoid any challenge because they’re scared of failing. Running from a challenge(s) IS failing! Everyone fails at times. It’s not how many times you get knocked down that counts. It’s how many times you get up in life that matters. You’ve heard that, right? Believe it! If you fail the first, second, or third time, don’t give up. Pick yourself up and learn from why you’ve failed. Move on in a positive direction.
Simplify the problem or challenge you’re facing. Break it down into steps; then work your way to the top of it. You have to work from the bottom up. Work through each step of the process of overcoming this particular challenge. However, it all starts by breaking it into steps. As you get through each step, you develop more confidence that you can get it done… you will.
Maintain being positive and confident. Overcoming a challenge, you have to believe you can really do it. You have to find out all the ways you can overcome it and put it to full use and effort. People overcome all kinds of challenges everyday. I believe that challenges aren’t nearly as hard as presented… most the time. It’s our own mental limitation(s) that’s the difficult part. When you get into the mind frame of doing it… mentally, then you’ll actually be able to do it. Get strong!
Think the best, not the worst, possible outcome. What can really be the worst thing that happens if you don’t overcome this challenge? Do you lose something extremely valuable? Are you afraid you’ll be mocked? Are you afraid of being labeled a failure? The most successful people have been labeled these things at one point or another. How do you think they overcome challenges in their life? They’ve been through the process of not doing it before. BUT… instead of staying defeated, they used these parts of their own lives to become who (what) they are today.
Learn from watching sports… especially Pro Sports. Sports are a great way to watch, learn, and understand how to overcome challenges. We, as viewers, get to see in these pressure situations… then watch as the team overcomes the challenges. Sports for us, are a way to experience and witness that anything is possible. Yes, anything is possible!
We are given this opportunity each and every day to not only accept challenges in LIFE, but to rise and succeed as we deal with them. LIVE BOLDLY!
Now, more than ever before, many of us are having difficulty staying focused and “happy.” I too am finding certain days challenging due this imposed stay at home Covid 19 continuation. That surprised the heck out of me, not because I author a Positive Life Blog, but my actual nature and inner-spirit are usually so upbeat! Needing to “redo” my own self a bit, I started rethinking the important things in Life. Who knows what the rest of 2020 will bring.
HAPPINESS ROCKS!
When you think about “happiness” … you may think of the future in some way. The dream vacation coming up, the promotion you are working towards at work, the baby that is on the way, or the sixth date with someone new in your life. ( Thank goodness, I’m beyond that point!)
But happiness can also be found in the small things of a regular day. Okay!
So, today, look for it. Take just a few minutes and apply one of the ideas below and see how it brightens your day. I’m thinking it just might. One minute of appreciation
Take a minute, sit down and just reflect on what you appreciate and love about your partner, or a friend… or even… a family member! This will fill you with gratitude and redirect your focus to the positive of things.
Express your appreciation
Tell that partner, family member, or friend what you came up with. It will brighten his or her day. As his or her face lights up with a big smile ( you can also see it through a phone call) … you’ll feel happier too because emotions are contagious. (I’ve caught it once or twice myself!)
Take a few minutes to see how you can help someone out
Offer some practical help, some good advice, look something up for them, be encouraging and supportive, or just lend an ear.
Slow down
Walk and move slower for just a few minutes. Let your thoughts slow down. Use the minutes to enjoy what is happening all around you. Truly take it in with all your senses. There is so much simple wonder missed each day because we are preoccupied with our thoughts and plans for the future. Live in the now!
Be the smile you want to see in your world
Smile more towards the people you meet and you’ll get more smiles back. You’ll feel better. They will too. Actually, it’s contagious and they will probably smile more towards the other people they meet that day. So, don’t wait for other people to smile at you… be the smile you want to see in your world instead.
Make someone else happy
Don’t stop at just smiles, give someone a big hug. Give him or her a small gift of some kind. Ask them their name! Cook their favorite food if they have had a bad day. Actually, you can start your own day with setting a low bar for happiness. Now, that’s a good thought.
As you open your eyes and wake up to a new day tell yourself: Today, I will have a low bar for happiness!”
I have been using this one for quite some time now and it makes the ordinary day… well, just happier. I take fewer things for granted: my food, the weather, my life… and often pause to appreciate them more.
Be the day you want to see
Don’t wait for someone else to create the day you want to have. Instead, get the ball rolling yourself. Take action and take the first steps forward. Many of us are now wearing “Fit Bits” or similar to measure the day’s activities. Imagine that you are the “creator” of the day you want to experience in mood, accomplishments, and happiness! You are. Say “Yes” to something new
Maybe try something you haven’t eaten before. Listen to a new song or album. Experience a new author or movie. Go see a new sport. You get the idea. By actively going outside of what is normal for you or your comfort zone you’ll discover new, wonderful things in life quite often.
Get rid of your “should have” thoughts
The should haves in life can really drag happiness and energy down and make everything feel like heavy work. Do you really have to do all of those shoulds on your “to-do” list? Or are you maybe stuck in a rut and are doing some of those things just out of habit?
Ask yourself one of my favorite questions: Will this matter in five years? Or even five months?
By zooming out like this you make it easier to see the true value of doing something. You see it for what it really is. Your questioning makes it easier to simply relax and say no to doing something because you realize that it isn’t that important Do what you deep down believe is the “right thing.”
Instead of letting quick and judgmental words come of your mouth, be understanding.
Instead of snacking on some candy eat a fruit or drink a glass of water. Hard, right?
When an impulse inside of you wants you do something that you know deep down isn’t right for you then pause, be still for a few moments. The impulse will pass and you can easily choose to take the action you know is right in this situation.
Then appreciate that you did the right thing, give yourself a pat on the back, and see how good it all feels. Continue to do this and you’ll help yourself to build stronger self-esteem.
There is nothing as wonderful as a healthy and well-loved child. Indeed, the children of today become the future of America in a relatively short period of time. If they are healthy, well cared for, and loved then our own future is also one of security and well being. But sadly, this often is not the case. There are so many children who are raised in a negative home environment and are abused or neglected—or sometimes both. It is easier to believe that it happens in other places, certainly not in “our town” or “our county,” but in reality it is everywhere in our country and in staggering numbers too.
Each year almost 800,000 children (teens too) in the United States are part of the court and child welfare system. They are no longer allowed to live in their own home because of nothing they did, but rather because the adults responsible for their care and well-being either couldn’t or won’t take proper care of them. This is where a CASA Volunteer is a valuable asset to the children in this position. As a CASA you are: screened, trained, supervised, and supported as a community volunteer who advocates for the best interest of abused and neglected children.
CASA may very well be the only volunteer organization that empowers everyday citizens as officers of the court. They are appointed by judges to watch over a child until that case is closed and that child is placed in a safe and permanent home. While others may come and go from the lives of these children, a CASA may very well be the one constant in their young lives. They are the ones that make a difference. After the initial 6 week training is over, a volunteer may expect to devote some 10 hours per month to the organization.
Last year alone, almost one quarter of a million abused and neglect children were helped by CASA volunteers. People who volunteer come from all backgrounds. Some have years of education and perhaps a background of working with children and families. While others may have been part of the foster care system or have grown up in a less than healthy and stable home. Therefore, they want the best for a new generation of young people. There are no set requirements for a volunteer other than a strong desire to make a child’s life better.
There is a moment suspended in time…when someone who has been abused or has a personal on-going challenge such as drug or alcohol dependency…realizes that no matter how difficult their own personal challenge/test might have been, or currently is, there is always someone who has had it worse… or is suffering more, right now. I found it empowering in my own healing. Many who suffer, do it with a quiet dignity and are role models for all of us to emulate.
Ten years ago this month, Randy Pausch, a college professor in Pennsylania passed away from Cancer. His best selling book, The Last Lecture, is a lesson in dignity and grace. It is about embracing what we have been GIVEN in life, rather than focusing on what has been TAKEN from us. Whereas we are all aware that Childhood Abuse robs us of innocence and leaves gaping wounds in self-esteem and self-worth…we must also come to grips with the fact that when we are adolescents and adults, we are not terminally ill like Randy, but rather curable.
However, for some of us…it is easier to place blame on our personal misery and failure as to what has been “done to us.” Thought provoking would be to think on: Does doing this wallowing make us feel better. Has anyone ever felt better during the “Woe is me” trip…ever? I believe not. For myself, not feeling angry or sad towards my abuser(s) was the best medicine. For Randy Pausch not feeling angry or sad that he was terminal, and would soon die…allowed him to live every day until the end in full and complete joy.
Being happy is a gift we give to ourselves; it is yours if you unwrap it.
These past months have been so much more than a “normal” test of Human Endurance and Personal Strength. “Strength” that includes physical strength as well as emotional strength are ours to endure. Personally, some days are overwhelming; we all continue to have our own individual challenges as well as the Covid Pandemic. It is so easy to become sad and lonely.
We live in a world of constant and often frightening change and never know of our tomorrow (s). I often ask myself … what will tomorrow bring! Will I have a blessed day with no worries or sickness upon me? Will I be able to cope with what will be passed to me through my day? Will I make a difference to others who might be challenged more than I am?
Finally, it dawns on me that I am so blessed to just be able to wake up and open my eyes each and every morning. I get to experience glorious LIFE yet again. I should treasure each day, even during this time, and make everyday day count in my life. This is true now more than ever, right?
We must not dwell on the past and ruin our present. Our past sometimes can haunt us and make our present day not too enjoyable. If your own past has haunted you and it’s fixable, then go after the problem and resolve it, so that you can live in peace. If it cannot be fixed, then choose to let it go. CHOOSE to be at peace, happy, and help others.
As time and moments pass us by, they are then called memories and can be either positive or negative. We all want to have in our lives the best and happiest memories. None of us want to have bad memories of anything, but unfortunately, we will have many of them and disappointments to go along with them. It’s good to put everything in perspective. I coined a special word, years ago for my own personal memories that are painful; I call them “memroids.” It still works.
I try to live everyday to the fullest and make each day count because there is no guarantee to the length of our individual times on Earth. In my journey, there have been acquired lessons of great value. Treat all people with respect and kindness. Turn the other cheek as hard as it might be. Learn to love and respect yourself, because without that, you will have a hard time loving and respecting others.
Really appreciate what you have in your Life and don’t take anything for granted. We can all improve the quality of our existence with some extra hard work to achieve a personal goal. However, if that goal is not achieved, the gain is in the personal knowledge that all effort was put forth in the venture of trying.
I try to make it a habit to glance into the sky and say thanks for all things in Life… exactly as given. This includes these last few months of Covid-19. My days are rewarding; yet challenging, happy; while melancholy at times, enlightening; even at this point in my life, and exhausting; while at the same time… I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Each day we experience is as different and individual as each one of us. May we choose to live it well.
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