Alcohol has played a major role in my life. I personally do not suffer from alcohol abuse, but people I love and care for do.  So many of us have a family member, friend, or colleague who currently is suffering from an addiction to a controlled substance.  It affects everyone with whom they come in contact.  I grew up in a household where alcohol was abused on a daily basis. Seemingly, it clouded the judgement of the people who were supposed to be loving and nurturing me.  The actions of physical and verbal abuse were easier to accomplish when the responsible parties were intoxicated.  “I didn’t know what was going on!”  “I don’t remember; I was drunk.”  Whatever.  It happened a long time ago and the “why” is just not important now.  In reality, I’ve never been angry, but rather sad for those involved.  It could have been so much different for them.

For many years, I have believed that a person “chooses” to be an alcoholic. I certainly have had that gene present in me and it would have been easier each and every time that my own life’s tests and personal challenges got too overbearing or too difficult to succumb to the numbing affect of alcohol.  After all, I would have an excuse; “It’s how I grew up,” and everyone would shake their head and say what a shame it was.  However, because that’s all I knew and I saw each “parent” screw up his/her life for different reasons, I chose not to drink to become numb to reality. I chose not to abuse myself .  That’s how I’ve come to view dependency on drugs and alcohol… personal abuse.

Now, after many years, I am still wondering if it is a choice… or is it an illness?Certainly, there are enough articles and studies to say that it might be an illness. However, it is undeniably odd that it just seems to make “sick” those who are prone to not taking responsibility for their own actions in  life.  Harsh, but true.

I will assume for arguments sake, that it is an “illness.”  Well, if one had a cold, broke a leg, or had Cancer… they would seek professional treatment, right?  I do not see this happening with most alcoholics.  My family knew what they had to do to “heal” but chose not to stop. Ever!  Actually, they would boast about their drinking.  My mother died at 59 from liver cancer that spread to her brain… from being an alcoholic.  She was angry and unhappy until her last breath.  So much for the alcohol.  Did she drink to forget or forget when she drank?  I was afraid to ask.

Again, in my own life, I am experiencing someone who choses to drink rather than face up to the challenges and setbacks they are dealt. (There are so many of us who have friends or relatives with some extent of addictions to drugs or alcohol.)  The term gut-wrenching comes to mind; it’s how it feels inside of me as I watch them destroy their  life.  It appears to be what they are actually  choosing for themselves or why don’t they stop?

When a person drinks their entire personality changes.  Everyone’s!   Under the influence or high one says and does things that they might ordinarily not do. Everyone!  They become empowered… or so they think.  Their actions are destructive, disrespectful, and deeply hurtful to anyone and everyone they come in contact with during this “high.”  The apologies afterward, although sincerely given, are soon forgotten.  Forgotten by them, but still painful to the receiver who undoubtedly will remember forever.

My constant Mantra is that life is not easy, it’s not supposed to be. For all those selfishly reeking havoc on families and loved ones because of excessive drinking or drug abuse…we love you and are worried about you. Actually, you are slowly but surely taking your own life. Seek  medical attention, just like you would  if you had any other illness. You can do it if you believe that you can.  It’s hard, it’s not a quick fix, and it can’t be done on your own.  Again, I’ve been there and seen it fail. The first test or challenge the “crutch” resurfaces for support and the abuser is right back where they started.

On the other side of the substance abuse– the world is waiting.  Your  gift is life.  Right now, it’s just existing not living.

We’ll all be waiting for you.  

During Covid 19, we as Humans get to make great changes to our lives, others lives, and thus our ONE WORLD!

It is often difficult to EVEN think about talking or writing to others in a purely “self-less” context.  We Human’s have a tendency to be self centered, right?

We often have our own agenda when we interact with someone on the phone, by writing, or even in person. Questions of our own interest and intent often get in the way of a more honest and realistic interaction and conversation.  It is easy to forget that when we deal with someone, one-on-one, we might be doing so not only for ourselves, but for someone else as well. Often we are not only a necessary link in communication with that person, but the only link. If this is the case, we need to be a strong connection, not a weak one.

Also, make a point of “telling” someone something…only if they will feel better from the new information being offered to them. Do not tell someone a bit of information to make yourself feel better!  That’s the opposite of “self-less.” You might momentarily feel “unburdened,” but it is only because you have now loaded the other person down with the negativity and hurt.

Today, ask someone something personal about themselves; this will make them feel as if they are more than a colleague, neighbor, or even a taken for granted relative.  It will make them realize that they matter… to you… in more than their “designated” role.

It is often difficult to think about talking or writing to others in a purely “self-less” context. World-over we now have had months to think on it as we “Covid Indoors.”

We often have our own agenda when we interact with someone on the phone, by writing, or even in person. Questions of our own interest and intent often get in the way of a more honest and realistic interaction and conversation.  It is easy to forget that when we deal with someone, one-on-one, we might be doing so not only for ourselves, but for someone else as well. Often we are not only a necessary link in communication with that person, but the only link. If this is the case, we need to be a strong connection, not a weak one.
Also, make a point of “telling” someone something…only if they will feel better from the new information being offered to them. Do not tell someone a bit of information to make yourself feel better!  That’s the opposite of “self-less.” You might feel “unburdened” but it is only because you have now loaded them down with the negativity and hurt. Today, ask someone something personal about themselves; this will make them feel as if they are more than a colleague, neighbor, or even a taken for granted relative.  It will make them realize that they matter… to you… in more than their “designated” role.

A central meaning associated with the Tree of Life is how life itself began. It further symbolizes the origins of all creation and origination and how everything is interconnected and dependent on each other.  I like that as an explanation of our own lives.

The Tree of Life symbol shows us how LIFE is created, becomes real, and then nourishes other forms of life.  So, then how does a writer, such as myself, come to manifest him or herself as a writer? Where/what  is your Tree of Life?   How do we create our writing and then bring it to life, nourishing ourselves and other living beings?  I have chosen to do it most often in my Blog entries; in this way I hope to reach the largest audience.

We design our own Tree of Life as a way to bring our dreams/ideas to fruition. We don’t go in “search of” someone else’s Tree of Life… we create a personalized design that brings us both satisfaction and fulfillment. Hopefully, we are not only bringing enjoyment to others, but things to ponder, as well. It is obvious from my writings that I have several passions in Life.  Foremost however, is the Welfare and Health of children.  All Children!

Start with investigating the design and symbolism of The Tree of Life for yourself.  You may discover along the way a more suitable design for you: the Medicine Wheel, the Trinity, or the Labyrinth, etc. You get the idea.  Choose a symbolic and/or mythical design and think on how it can be used to generate creativity and nourishment for your own ideas and creations. These ancient and widely used symbols offer up hidden and personal methods to not only explore our lives, but how we might live fully and with purpose.

In my novel, MEN CAN BE MEAN…  the title is actually a pun on MEN CAN BE ME(a)N, ah yes.   I used “fairytales” and “parallels” as symbolic guides to write my story.   In my non-fiction work, BARE THOUGHTS, my thoughts are “bare” for all to see and also, for some, “bear” because many have chosen to turn away from getting involved themselves because it’s often easier to “exist,” rather than to get involved with difficulty.  Humans often hurt humans.  Also, in my daily writings, I rely on the Tree of Life and Religious Cross to bring fruition to my writing ideas. I want to reach with by thoughts (akin to branches/ arms) as many people as I can. Often, it’s similar to a much needed hug.

The world is a garden of symbolic gestures and invitations to help us become who we already are destined to be.  Writers, Artists, Business Leaders, Educators, Laborers etc.

Find your inspiration and soar!

As a writer of a POSITIVE LIFE BLOG… SPIRIT UNBROKEN, I am often asked how others, my readers, can become “happier” in their own lives. In the next few weeks, I will share things that I have said “yes” to and that have helped me to become happier in my own life.  Just by picking a few of these ideas, you too will be on the track to being more content and happier overall. I do not have all the answers, but as I age and look back on my own Wins vs. Losses things become clearer and worth passing along.
Being Imperfect      Trying to be “perfect” is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach and ultimately lowers your self-esteem.  You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life … even though they might be going very well indeed. “Perfectionism”  of yourself eats at you and your happiness. Embrace your own imperfectness.  I need to constantly work on this.  Who doesn’t want to be:  “The Best: Boss, Employee, Team Mate, Partner, Parent, Child,”  exhausting, right?

Often, we actually believe what we see about relationships and families by watching “perfect families” and “how love should be” on television and in the movies.  It looks so good and wonderful and you want it for yourself. Best selling authors capitalize on this formula over and over again.  However, in real life it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are fiction. It is very useful to remind yourself: No one has it all in spite of outer appearance! I know this for a fact.

Aiming for “perfection” usually winds up in a project or something else progressing very slowly or never being finished at all. Perhaps, go for good instead.  Warning: Don’t use good as an excuse to slack off.  Simply realize that there is something called “good” and even “very good” and that’s not a bad thing  at all.
Being Yourself   Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others, or censoring yourself doesn’t feel good at all. It makes LIFE feel so small and limited.  Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values, and you as a person or at least people who are not antagonistic and negative. Try spending less time with people who normally criticize you.

Supportive and life-expanding experiences   Change your environment from time to time. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that support your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier. Accordingly, spend less time with negative and limiting influences.
Things you like    It is important to find some time and energy for the things that make you come alive.  Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small, each week. Eat a vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your norm. Go out to a movie, café, or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Perhaps it’s the other way around.   If you are someone who surrounds themselves with others, try spending quality time… alone. Create variation and expanding your comfort zone regularly, even in small ways, is key to living a happier life. Boredom creates contempt.  Reconnect. If you used to go fishing, paint, or play the guitar and it really made you come alive… then discover it again!  Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.

Be Optimistic  Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail.  It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.
Ask questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and helps you to find solutions. For example: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? Or what is the opportunity within this situation?   Good influences in your life can make a huge difference. Therefore, start your day off with positive things. A good breakfast, a form of exercise you enjoy, reading ,or praying… if only for a short time. You get the idea!

Forgiveness     Forgiving is not always easy and can take time, but there are some things that can make it a little easier.  You forgive for you!  As long as you don’t forgive someone you are forever linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did…. over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and, as a result of your inner turmoil,  often in other people around you too. When you forgive, you release yourself!  Make a habit of forgiving yourself.  By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or years ago, you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you.
Don’t just take the word “happy” for granted. Live it, practice it, and you too shall become it.   HAPPY… in life, work, and relationships