Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
how to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves,”
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
Labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety, they were
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
Equal Employment had made it quite clear, that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
Then Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid were
replaced with four pigs, and you know that was just stupid!
The metal runners had been removed from Santa’s beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened,
and his real fur trimmed, red suit was called “unenlightened.”
To show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Fox News, in front of the Nation where he
demanded millions in over-due Workers’ Compensation.
So… half of the reindeer were gone, and then his wife
suddenly said she’d had “enough of this life” and
joined a self help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.
And as for gifts… why, he’d never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur…
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot,
nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys,
nothing that claimed to be gender specific or
nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets… they were bad for the teeth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales… while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football… someone might get hurt,
besides – playing sports exposed kids to, ugh, dirt!
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe
and video games would rot your brain away.
Poor Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn’t figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay,
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left… or the right.
A gift that would satisfy – with no indecision,
Every group of peoples … in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
Everyone, Everywhere …
Yup, even you!
So, here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
Couldn’t we all use… Peace on Earth!Report this
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